the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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