You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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