i used baking grease as lip gloss
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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