got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
