Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
