She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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