As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
