You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
