I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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