I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
