Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
