Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
