last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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