I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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