I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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