We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
