i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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