I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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