i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
