best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
