And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
