took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
