well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
