remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
