I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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