No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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