I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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