:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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