I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
