Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
