is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
