Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
