I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
