he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
