In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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