im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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