She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
