He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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