how can u be prego again
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
