got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
