We're facebook friends in real life
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
