you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.