all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?