Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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  (619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk
  Replies (20) Good night (2425) Bad night (781)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You're earring is so big in my mouth

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  (832): You're earring is so big in my mouth http://tfl.nu/32xs
  Replies (38) Good night (682) Bad night (3204)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck

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  (773): i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck http://tfl.nu/4030
  Replies (24) Good night (4803) Bad night (969)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience

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  (248): so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience http://tfl.nu/77ps
  Replies (16) Good night (771) Bad night (4223)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel

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  (484): Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel http://tfl.nu/fa0o
  Replies (6) Good night (3776) Bad night (641)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

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  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (4191) Bad night (1142)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund

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  (814): moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund http://tfl.nu/o6j0
  Replies (5) Good night (2440) Bad night (992)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"

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  (774): i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness" http://tfl.nu/ogi9
  Replies (5) Good night (2972) Bad night (926)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.

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  (614): thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn. http://tfl.nu/sfhl
  Replies (14) Good night (1152) Bad night (2566)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

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  (412): Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut. http://tfl.nu/ynt5
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (492)
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  (310): View more from California

  Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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  (310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod
  Replies (5) Good night (1184) Bad night (468)
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  (898): View more from

  Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

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  (898): Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous. http://tfl.nu/8yxh
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (292)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.

  (1+61): View more from

  Dude, you're not even gay.

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  (+61): I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that. (1+61): Dude, you're not even gay. http://tfl.nu/9cst
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (327)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....

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  (913): The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean? (1-913): Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy..... http://tfl.nu/mjqc
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (260)
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  (707): View more from California

  Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid

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  (707): Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid http://tfl.nu/1mf7
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (253)

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