if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.