The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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