i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...