your parents love me but you hate me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside