I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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