just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
