I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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