I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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