I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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