9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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