if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think i have two assholes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
