I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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