five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
