well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
