i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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