just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
