Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
