I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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