so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
