no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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