Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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