As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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