im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
