Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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  (301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf
  Replies (27) Good night (4257) Bad night (685)
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  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

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  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (31) Good night (13910) Bad night (998)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (34) Good night (6829) Bad night (1368)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

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  (217): The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left http://tfl.nu/fjkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2285) Bad night (1079)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
  Replies (50) Good night (2395) Bad night (5462)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.

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  (337): Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird. http://tfl.nu/9vhr
  Replies (12) Good night (2334) Bad night (1062)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters

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  (918): please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters http://tfl.nu/gu1l
  Replies (8) Good night (1662) Bad night (659)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.

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  (206): Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago. http://tfl.nu/wvly
  Replies (4) Good night (1658) Bad night (533)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

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  (509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy
  Replies (7) Good night (1539) Bad night (561)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.

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  (413): Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like. http://tfl.nu/c9vg
  Replies (8) Good night (369) Bad night (1501)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off

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  (318): I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off http://tfl.nu/iq1g
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (396)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.

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  (503): There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing. http://tfl.nu/yajw
  Replies (5) Good night (1036) Bad night (408)
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  (818): View more from California

  end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin

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  (818): end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin http://tfl.nu/ky3g
  Replies (4) Good night (1197) Bad night (349)
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  (213): View more from California

  Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!

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  (213): Well, we won the drunk before noon contest! http://tfl.nu/g4t1
  Replies (5) Good night (778) Bad night (302)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."

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  (813): So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past." http://tfl.nu/7k27
  Replies (5) Good night (1116) Bad night (333)

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