ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"