She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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