man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
