boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
