Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
