You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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