saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
