how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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